Friday, March 23, 2012

Mixed Emotions of March

This year Celebrating my 35th birthday was really something I was looking forward to, sharing my birthday with International Women’s Day , married with a beautiful 14 month old girl , amazing husband, & number 2 nestled growing safely inside of me I couldn’t imagine being in a happier place, as I  flicked through the pages of a Sun wings catalogue searching for a perfect break a week’s vacation....admiring Playa Del Carmen & The Bahamas’ I was longing for some sunshine & a boost of Vitamin D March/April seemed like the perfect time...the image in my mind of chasing after our 14 month old while she feels the new sensation of sand between her toes for the first time sounded delightful. As I marked pages of sunshine escape the phone rang & to my delight it was my Dr  (Perfect timing!  I thought I can ask her if it was ok at this stage if second trimester holidays are ok & if vaccinations are ok & required etc)....  I answered in a cheery voice.....and then heard the words all mums to be never expect to hear.....our 20 week ultrasound had 2 soft findings while speaking to the Dr the shock of hearing the words heart chamber 4 echogenic LV focus, Choroid plexus cyst, Trisomy 18 & Trisomy 21 were all too much I became incoherent & could not comprehend any of the conversation My chest suddenly had tightened with my daughter tugging at my jeans & husband staring with anticipation I felt completely numb...we arranged to see  our Dr the same day to review the findings  & with lots of tears we came away with a much better understanding & were advised to seek genetic counselling.
After a 5 day wait which felt like a lifetime & many sleepless nights the day had arrived our hearts racing as we tried to prepare ourselves for the unknown...After reviewing our family history & looking over our risk we left the counselling with much better odds than we were first provided with which put our mind at ease we were even happy with these new odds & left feeling great relief. Although our minds were still not made up? amnio or no amnio.. We eventually  chose to go ahead being totally aware of our risk involved &  we decided for us we needed to be prepared for what was ahead.
Amnio Day ...As we waited quite relaxed this morning pre appointment I thought I was doing really well I felt at quite at ease & in my mind I couldn’t be more prepared....until  another lady who had just finished the procedure  left the amnio room crying, as soon as I seen the sadness in her eyes & tears streaming down her red cheeks & watched as she waited for the 15 minutes rest  after the procedure I sat directly opposite her wondering & trying to imagine her pain, a lump appeared in my throat the tears started to flow as I sat trying to think happy thoughts I think the build up of fear & emotions & the anxious waiting game that came along with being told about our soft findings on the ultrasound & actually having the amnio the what if??! Scenarios.
As my name was called &  we entered a dark room & were met by a Dr & nurse who informed us of the procedure by this stage I was completely numb as I laid back onto the table staring at a tiny spot on the speckled foam  roof for some reason I felt completely focussed? (Maybe the hypobrirthing techniques I read really helped?) As I clenched hubby's hand I prepared for the pain I'd expected, it was suddenly ok? The needle went in without a hitch there was a slight bit of pain going in? & then once it was in the feeling was just like having a regular blood test!  & it was all over within 10  minutes, afterwards they showed us the fluid and informed us that the colour was good (no meconium)...& then it was all over we had a 15 minute rest period in the waiting room & were able to go home, It was such a relief to finally get it over with!  And the following day much to our surprise we received our results much sooner than expected, All clear! such fantastic news, a large weight off our shoulders as we move forward after these stressful past weeks & focus on the next phase (rest after the amnio) & enjoying the rest of the pregnancy!  

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